


The Shift

by enterdreamland



Category: Sam and Colby
Genre: A lot of mixed feelings, Basically, Friends to Lovers, M/M, New Zealand Trip, Sam and Colby - Freeform, TFIL - Freeform, i have no plot in mind, im literally just writing this as i go, it's a lot of pining, just a general idea, some smut, they love each other they just don't know it yet, this is my first fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-19 08:16:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20327959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enterdreamland/pseuds/enterdreamland
Summary: Sam realizes a lot on the New Zealand trip. He finds new things he loves on every corner, new sights that make him stop in his tracks, and new experiences that make him realize just how much things can change in two weeks. It might be his favorite place in the world.-or, Sam slowly falls in love with his best friend on a TFIL trip to New Zealand and he has a lot to figure out.





	1. have you no idea that you're in too deep?

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic??? i'm nervous but also like, here you go read as you please!!!  
-  
some stuff is based off of the new zealand tfil trip but also i added some stuff in. it's all fiction though, i'm just having a good time writing this!!!!!!!!!!

Some of the most important things in our lives happen in an instant. Realizations, big events, your perspective on things change. Things that happen that make us who we are, usually happen in a split second, before you even realize something has changed. This could be good or bad things, but everything leads you to where you’re supposed to be. People leave your life, others enter. You lose something, you eventually gain something. Everything effects everything. Sometimes it feels like things are changing and it’s scary and you feel suffocated, but once the chaos fades, you’re going to feel like the universe is aligning, like everything you never knew you wanted, that you never knew you needed, is finally there. Things start to feel whole.  
Xx  
Sam loves the TFIL road trips, they plan, they go to a new country or a different state and they get to figure out what Elton has planned for them. It’s spontaneous and they all love it. It’s an amazing and eye-opening experience, to try things they’ve never done. Things they never in a million years would they think they would ever do.  
They’re in New Zealand this time, they’ve been on the road for a few days now, they’ve been bungee jumping (which Corey backed out of, but who can blame him with his fear of heights), they’ve been to a rope course, they’ve been to an ancient village. The atmosphere is always so bright, being together the four of them Sam, Colby, Corey and Elton. There’s never a dull moment, there’s always laughter or something exciting happening. Even cramped in a motor home for a few weeks, they’re always happy to be with each other in such a beautiful place.  
-  
Sam wakes up earlier than everyone else, which is weird because Elton is usually the first one awake. He assumes it’s probably early in the morning, still dark outside, he figures he has a few hours to sleep. He searches for his phone, it’s somewhere in the bed (if you could really even call it a bed, a mattress in a little compartment in the wall of the motor-home, but he doesn’t mind.) He sits up a little bit, tries to look around, there’s not much room to move. He’s been sharing a bed with Colby, it’s small but they make it work. After about 5 minutes of searching and still no luck, he lays back down and gives up. 

He’s now been laying in bed for about 20 minutes trying to get back to sleep, his mind won’t shut off for some reason, not even bad thoughts, just thinking about their trip so far and wonders what Elton has in store for them next. He’s tired, exhausted even, he probably wasn’t asleep for long, he thinks. He just wishes he could go back to sleep. He groans in frustration, rubbing his hands over his face. Colby repositions next to him, turns his body to face Sam and slowly opens his eyes. 

“Sam?” He spoke quietly, still half asleep, “You okay?” 

Sam was kind of startled considering it takes an army to wake Colby up. That’s not an exaggeration, he’s the heaviest sleeper Sam has ever met. Sam looks down at him, not sure if he’s even really awake. He might just be talking in his sleep, but it’s endearing to Sam anyways that even in his sleep his best friend is always making sure he’s okay. 

“I’m fine, just can’t fall asleep.” He made the effort to sound reassuring, but he was frustrated and tired, he rubbed his eyes once again, closing them, wishing that sleep would consume him soon. 

Colby shuffled a little bit, his hand moving to lightly settle on Sam’s hip, “try to sleep, love, got to…be up early.” His eyes were still closed, he definitely didn’t realize what he was saying, his voice was low and rough. Sam’s body tensed at the feeling of Colby’s hand on his hip, he felt something like goosebumps run up his body. They’ve always been close, but this was…new. He knew Colby was asleep, but he felt his insides twist, but he wasn’t quite sure what that meant. He’s never thought of Colby as more than anything than his best friend, never felt a feeling like this when they touched. It feels…intimate. Maybe it’s that he’s so tired, maybe it’s because Colby called him ‘love’, which has never happened before. 

He shook the feeling; he shook the odd thoughts out of his head. “Yeah, goodnight.” He said, weakly. He felt nervous, not like he wanted to run away, but like he was nervous that he didn’t want to run away. Nervous that he felt his body untense after a few moments, he felt calm and even more tired, like he could fall asleep at any moment. Colby could always calm him down, always make him feel important and listened to. He never felt like he wanted Colby to tangle with him, he never felt like he wanted to be closer to Colby, physically, not in this way. Maybe he liked the intimacy and the comfort. Or maybe he was just fucking tired. Yeah, that was it, Sam thought. 

Colby hummed and started trailing his fingers slightly on Sam’s hip for a moment before he fell back asleep, hand still on his hip. Sam turned his head and looked at him, he felt a change in the atmosphere. His eyes started to flutter and before he knew it, he fell asleep to the feeling of Colby’s hand on his bare skin, thoughts of his best friend and a feeling he never thought he would feel before.  
-  
After finally falling asleep and sleeping peacefully for a few hours, Sam was startled awake by a loud noise, over and over. He felt a bit of panic for a second before realizing that it was just Elton slamming pots and pans together. He shifted to put his hands over his face before he realized that Colby was still touching him, his hand gently wrapped around Sam’s wrist. He smiled a little bit before pulling his arm from Colby’s grasp and sitting up slightly. Colby folded his arms over his head and groaned. Sam was looking at his friend and he realized he was seeing this like he hasn’t seen before, like the way his eyelashes flutter slightly when he’s just woken up but he keeps his eyes closed, the way his hair sticks up in all directions after he’s woken up and the way he sort of curls in on himself after he’s been woken up out of a deep sleep. 

“Oh my god, Elton.” Corey laughed, tiredly from the other bed, “Dude, you just scared the shit out of me.” Elton laughed, hard, like it was one of the funniest things he’s ever done. He always laughs like that, like everything he ever does is the best thing in the world. 

“Ahhhh, my EARDRUMS!” Colby’s yelled, pulling the blanket over his face, his voice was loud but raw. Sam’s never realized how much he likes Colby’s voice when he’s tired. Corey laughed and groaned at the same time, “I thought I was going to die.” Elton laughed harder. 

“I was being shot at in my dream!” Colby slightly shouted in a rasping tone, his hands brought the blanket from his face and turned his head to face Elton. 

“Time to go paddle boarding!” Elton drew out the end of the word, making it seem like he was less excited than he was, after a few monotone “yays” from the boys, Sam heard him go out of the door of the motorhome. 

Sam sat up, finally feeling somewhat awake, he rubbed his hands over his eyes and through his hair. He looked for his phone and found it, under his pillow, where for some reason he didn’t seem to think to check last night. He checked the time, 7:25 am, he mentally groaned. He didn’t know how much sleep he had but it didn’t feel like enough. He knew that getting into the water would help him wake up, though. He put his phone down next to him and laid his head back down on the pillow. He felt Colby’s eyes on him before he even realized he was turning to meet them. They stared for a moment, before Colby’s eyes searched his face. 

“Good morning.” He all but whispered, the corner of his lips turning up slightly. Sam thinks he’s never seen his best friend look so beautiful. 

“Yeah, good morning, nice wake up call, huh?” Sam laughed to hide the sound of endearment and nervousness in his voice. He tore his eyes away from Colby’s stare and sat up, he brought his knees to his chin and yawned. 

Colby sat up, pulled the blanket off him and flung his legs over the side of the bed. He chuckled for a moment, the tired still in his voice. “At least you finally got some sleep though, yeah?” 

Sam’s head whipped to the side, he stared at the back of his head for a moment, letting his eyes trail down his back, taking in this newfound feeling that isn’t seeming to go away anytime soon. Colby remembered. He doesn’t seem to feel uncomfortable, maybe he didn’t think too much into it since he was so tired. He probably didn’t remember what he said or his hands or the way Sam’s entire being reacted, with thunder and lightning running through his veins at the simple touch. 

“I, uh, yeah, I got some sleep. Didn’t sleep as well as you, though.” He made a mental note to smack himself upside the head later for stumbling over his words. He rolled his eyes, at himself, for talking out of his ass. 

“Nah, woke up, couldn’t get back to sleep so I just laid there for a while.” Colby turned his head back, there was something in his eyes that couldn’t quite read. Amusement, maybe? “You seemed to fall back asleep pretty fast, though.” He smirked a bit. He was teasing, Sam felt his face heat up at the realization that first, Colby was actually awake and that second, he was smugly teasing him about it.

“Get down and get dressed, asshole.” Sam blurted; he could feel a smile tugging on his lips. Colby’s laugh escaped, loud as he threw his head back before he jumped down to the motor home floor. Sam felt exposed but also felt that tingling in his stomach. He’s never flirted with Colby before and if we’re being honest here, he kind of enjoyed it. A second later, he felt the realization that holy fuck, he was actually flirting with Colby and Colby was actually flirting back. His mind raced, he was sure he was going to go into a panic. He didn’t want something to happen that could hurt their friendship, but on the other hand what was the damage of a little flirting? It’s not like he was in love with his best friend, it was just simple teasing. Simple touches and looks, nothing to cause an overreaction. 

He sighed and jumped down off the bed as well, starting to get ready for the day. They were in New Zealand, a beautiful country with beautiful people. They were checking things off of their Fuck-it list, they were experiencing new things. Sam was happy, he felt giddy like a child as he walked to his bag to pick out his swim shorts. 

“Anyone else want to kill Elton?” He looked over at Corey who was just now sitting up, obviously still cranky about their wake-up call. 

“If you kill me, Corey, how are you going to get home?!” Elton’s voice yelled from outside, echoing through the motorhome. Corey rolled his eyes and stood up, smiling slightly. 

Sam laughed, feeling awake and full of life. Today was going to be a good day.


	2. You don't need to explain if everything's changed, just know I'm just like you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the first two chapters have been kind of slow, but the next chapter will be filled with a lot more. 
> 
> the beginning of this is based off of a tfil video and then i just kind of said fuck it and started writing. 
> 
> please let me know how you guys like it/give me some constructive criticism. writing fics is new territory for me, i'm hoping to just get better as time goes on! 
> 
> chapter name is from a song called colours by grouplove! x

Sometimes it’s still hard for Sam to realize that this is his life. The fact that he is surrounded by his best friends and is able to do the things he can, the things he gets to experience, the places he’s able to go is so unbelievable to him. They’ve been out on the lake for a good four hours and he keeps looking around in disbelief. He feels so fucking blessed to be where he is, with the people he’s with. 

They were at the lake for about four hours before they ditched the paddleboard and Elton decided they should have a “Battle to the Death” on a floating platform in the middle of the water. Whoever stays on for 30 seconds by themselves doesn’t have to drive. So, they push each other off the platform into the water, all yelling and feeling happiness that they thought would never leave. Of course, Elton won. He’s been driving basically the entire trip because none of the other boys have driven on the other side of the road before. And so, it was only natural for the other three to leave Elton on the platform and swim towards the shore. They tore off their life jackets and made a run for the motorhome, the only problem is that…they didn’t know how to actually start the vehicle. 

“God, there are so many fucking keys on this thing! I’m not sure which one is the right one?” Sam was in the driver’s seat, Elton’s key chain had at least 10 keys on it and not one of them seemed to work. He frantically searched for the key, trying all of them, now on the second time around. Adrenaline running through all three of them like they were children, Colby and Corey kept calling out and pointing at different keys at the same time. 

“Here,” Colby reached out to the keys in his hand, grabbing one of them and positioning it in Sam’s hand so that he knew which key he was talking about, “this one looks the most like a car key!” 

Sam’s hand stilled for a moment at the touch. They’ve been together all day, hanging out and being how they always are, but throughout the day, for just a split second, they will lock eyes or touch one another, and it will send a spark through Sam’s body. Certain times just feel more personal and intimate than others, but it lasts for only a moment before they both look away or let go, and everything returns to normal. 

“You guys tryna leave me? Huh?” Elton jumped up to the window, camera in hand, pointing through the window. Both Colby and Sam jumped and pulled their hands apart. Corey breathlessly laughed behind them.

“Whaat?” Sam dragged the word on as Corey and Colby both denied the statement behind him, all playing dumb as Sam frantically looked through the keys. 

“I’m out here freezing and you all left me, left all the gear on the beach for me to grab,” Elton exclaimed as Sam tried another key, Elton had the camera pointed to them still. He laughed although he was shaking slightly. 

“Roll the window up!” Colby’s arm crossed over Sam from the passenger seat as he tried to roll the window up. It wasn’t working, of course, the damn thing wasn’t even on.

“There’s not even any power! I can’t seem to…” He trailed off, trying to work another key into the ignition switch. “Damnit” It didn’t work, again. For what seemed to be the hundredth try. 

Elton’s laughter roared, “You don’t know how to get it started?” He reached his hand that was free from the camera through the drivers side window. 

“Uh no, all the keys look the same!” Sam shouted, letting Elton fiddle with the keys as in Sam’s hands. He couldn’t help but notice how much different it felt when it was Elton and not Colby. No electricity, no butterflies, no change in the atmosphere as their hands touched. 

“Here, this one!” Elton had placed a key that they didn’t think was even a key in his hand. 

Sam stared at his hand for a moment, observing the key. Bulky, not even metal, it just looked like a big piece of plastic, “That’s not even a key!” he exclaimed, his voice was audibly confused as Elton guided his hand to the ignition, Sam put the key in and twisted and it started, “Oh…” 

“Drive away, drive away, drive away” Colby loudly mumbled under his breath, as Sam started backing out, Elton still outside the vehicle, camera in hand, recording. This should be a good shot, he thought, but mostly it was just fun. He thinks that’s the best part of his job, it’s fun, he actually enjoys it. Not many people get this opportunity. As they’re backing out, Elton ran to the side of the motorhome opened the back door to get into the living area where Corey was standing and jumped in. 

“Corey, you had ONE job!” Sam yelled back to him, Elton started laughing, his breath a little shaky from how cold he had to be considering he didn’t change out of his still wet swimming trunks. 

Corey widened his eyes, his eyes went from Sam and Colby back to Elton, “Go back out there.” He mumbled, lowly but loud enough that the camera could pick it up. Corey was really good at hyping things up for the camera, he always made the videos funny and interesting with his jokes and his facial expressions.

“What?” Elton chuckled the word, “Why?” He turned and pointed the camera where Corey kept looking at Sam and Colby for a split second and then brought the camera back to Corey. 

Corey made a distraught face and huffed out a breath, “Just go back out there, come on!” He looked over and lifted his hand to the door, when Elton asked why again, Corey’s hand started lightly slapping the counter, he rolled his eyes upward, “Please. You’re making me look stupid in front of Sam and Colby, go out there.” He changed his expression to look worried, “Please, they probably think I’m so stupid.” 

Elton laughed and agreed as he walked out of the motorhome and pulled out the step under the door, the boys cheered and as the door shut Elton jumped onto the step. Sam pulled out of the spot and started to drive down the road. 

Colby spotted him on the side of their vehicle, “Oh my god! Elton! He’s on the side of the truck!” 

They all started laughing as Sam stopped the truck and Elton jumped back in through the door, shutting the step underneath. After asking who was driving because “I won and I refuse to drive”, Sam already being in the driver’s seat, drove. 

After driving on the wrong side of the road for a second, and then going too slow while passing a cop, having the cop turn around with it’s lights on, Elton shooing Sam and Colby out of the front seats and a whole lot of yelling before the cop stopped following them. Elton drove. He always drives.   
-  
They really didn’t have much of a destination at this point, they had no more plans for the day, and it was already getting kind of late, so Elton decided that they would drive to a campsite to sleep for the night near their activities for tomorrow. 2 and a half hours away. They had some downtime on the ride, so Sam, Colby and Corey all sat at the table in the living area. Which also happened to turn into Corey’s bed. Sam thinks that it must be a much comfier table and benches than it is a bed. 

Sam’s on one side of the table with his feet stretched out on the bench, his back against the wall behind him, looking through Twitter on his phone. Colby’s on the other side of the table, sitting with his knees up to his chin, head laying on them and arms wrapped around his leg. He’s falling asleep, Sam can’t help but to look over and notice how soft he looks. His face is a little bit sunburned; his hair is messy from being in the water all day and he’s got a small smile on his face. Sam wonders what he’s thinking about, what he’s been thinking about and if he’s been thinking about Sam the past few hours the way that Sam’s been thinking of him. He can feel the air get stuck in his throat when Colby looks at him, he can feel the way his heart drops when Colby touches him. It feels like a magic trick, like something disappeared and reappeared in the past day. The thoughts of his best friend have changed from light and easy and platonic to heavy and confusing and almost romantic. He doesn’t know what caused the change, why all of a sudden he’s realizing just how much he really wants Colby, and in what way he wants him. All he knows is it’s there and he can’t stop thinking about how fucking beautiful he is and how much he wants to touch him constantly. 

Sam didn’t realize how long he’s been staring until Colby flutters his eyes open, locking them with Sam’s, “Hey.” His voice is a whisper and Sam stares as his lips turn up into a slight smile. 

And fuck, yeah, maybe Sam wants to kiss him. 

He shakes his head, blinking his eyes, “Hi.” He’s hoping he doesn’t sound as nervous as he feels. He hopes he’s not being obvious. He readjusts his eyes and stares at his hands as he picks at his fingernails. 

“You’re enjoying the view?” Colby teased. Sam looks over at him, their eyes meet and he swears he feels everything inside of him stop working. His brain has shut down, his breathing slows, he loses his peripheral vision and all he can focus on is Colby. His eyes are shining despite the fact the fact that he’s so tired, his smirk has turned into a full smile. He can’t deny the fact that he’s being so obvious, he knows he is. He feels like he can’t control himself, like someone has put a spell on him and all he wants to focus on is Colby. Like the only thing that matters right now is his friend, more so than always. 

Sam clears his throat, “I, uh, yeah, I-“ he stumbles on his words as he tears his eyes away and spots Corey leaving his spot next to Elton and making his way over towards them, “Ah! Corey, hi! Here, sit!” He’s never felt such relief in his life. 

Corey laughed, “Okay Sam! I will! Why are we so excited!” Corey sat down as Sam moved his legs up to give him some room on the bench. Colby’s laughter roared, shaking his shoulders. 

“I’m not aloud to be in a good mood?” Sam said, defensively, raising his hands in the air. Half joking. 

“Man, I got so bored up there with Elton.” Corey said, not caring much that Elton could hear him, “He’s grumpy cause he has to drive.” His tone was mocking.

“I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DRIVING!” Elton shouted from the front, laughing as he made the truck sway back and forth. 

The sudden motion made Corey almost fall out of his seat, “Woah, Elton! Fucking stop that, brother!” He shouted, straightening himself up as the motion stopped. Elton laughed, almost manically. 

The mood in the room changed in an instant. Sam laughed loudly, slapped Corey on his back and shook his head. Corey slapped his hand away in fake anger and chucked right along with him. Sam fixed his hair and caught Colby out of the corner of his eye, he was smiling at him, his eyes smiling right along with him. Sam raised an eyebrow at him, “You enjoying the view?” He mocked. 

Colby smirked for a second before he was laughing. Sam loved that noise, loved it even more that it was his doing. He saw Colby’s cheeks turn a light shade of red and he felt accomplished. 

“So, are you guys uploading while we’re here?” Corey asked from beside him, opening a water bottle before taking a drink from it. 

“Yeah, pre-filmed before we left, not uploading anything on Sam and Colby 2.0 until we get back, though.” Sam answered, he’s decided to push all confusing thoughts of Colby in the back of his mind as best he could and focus on his two /friends/ in front of him. 

“This place is fucking sick, isn’t it?” Corey replied, his eyes widened, a goofy grin filling his face. 

“Yeah, it’s wicked. It’s fucking beautiful.” Sam breathed, the intoxication of how surreal everything really is flooded his voice. He looked out the window for a moment, the trees seemed greener here, the sky seemed higher and bluer, more like looking at a piece of art. “Kind of surreal, really.” He turned back to his attention back to Corey and let his thoughts flow without even realizing, “Like, sometimes I feel like I’m living in a movie and this is one of those times. It’s sort of overwhelming, like I feel like I’m waiting for something big to happen.” 

Corey grinned, “Yeah man, I know what you mean, we’re lucky as fuck. I mean, look where we are, man.” He looked at Sam and then looked over at Colby, smiling big, “Something big /is/ happening.” He laughed as he fished his phone out of his pocket and absentmindedly started scrolling on it. 

Sam looked over to Colby, who looked over at him at the same time, “You feel it too?” Sam asked, his voice hesitating a bit. His mind was racing but he also felt calm, he felt bliss. He felt unbelievable. 

“Yeah, Sam.” Colby bit on the corner of his thumb, “Yeah, I feel it too.” His eyes lowered and half of his mouth curled up into a smile. 

They sat in silence for a while, Colby and Corey looking through their phones and Sam looking out the window. He didn’t want to miss a second, he felt so lucky. He looked at the birds and he thought of how free he felt. He looked at the trees and he thought of how much they’ve grown and how far they’ve come. He looked at the sky and he thought of Colby. Blueblueblue. He thought of how this was going to play out. He wondered if the feelings would drift away. If he said something, would Colby feel the same way? Or would it ruin everything? He doesn’t want to risk it; everything feels perfect the way it is. He remembers all the years that him and Colby have been a team, in school, starting vine, starting YouTube, moving to LA. They’ve been through so much; he can’t seem to wrap his mind around it. He lays his head against the window, it really is Sam and Colby vs. The World.   
-  
He woke up to hands on him, lightly shaking him awake, “Sammy, we’re here, wake up!” Colby’s voice. “Sammmyyyy…time to go to sleep, in an actual bed.” He dragged the word out. 

Sam opened his eyes slowly, he must have fallen asleep. He sits up slowly, reminds himself to never fall asleep at that table again because damn, his neck hurts. “Where are we?” He asks, his eyes are rimmed red as he rubs his palms against them. 

“We’re at the campground, come on.” Colby held his hand out and pulled him up from the bench. He led him out of the motorhome and well, he must have been asleep for a while because they’re there, yes, but they’ve got a fire going and they’re all sitting around it. 

“Good morning, Sam!” Elton and Corey both yelled at the same time, confusion and amusement growing on both of their faces and then looked back at each other and started laughing. 

“How long,” Sam yawned again, “have you guys been here for? How long was I asleep?” 

Colby sat in a fold up chair next to the fire and patted the one next to him, Sam walked over and sat down, “We’ve been here for like an hour, you’ve been asleep for about two.” 

“Why didn’t you guys wake me up?” he asked, sleepily. “I could have helped you guys set everything up.” The fire felt amazing, he took a water bottle from the cooler next to him and drank some, it felt amazing on his throat. He was starting to finally wake up. 

“Because Colby said you didn’t sleep well last night and we wanted to make sure that you were well rested.” Corey looked over to him, smiling. 

“Why would I need to be well rested at,” He checked his phone for the time, “9:30 at night?” 

“Because…well, we have a day off tomorrow and nothing to do, so we’re going to get drunk tonight.” Elton laughed as he brought up an unopened bottle of Captain Morgan from under his chair. 

“Duh.” Corey added. Sam laughed at that. 

Everyone was looking at him, Corey had a “what else did you expect” face on, eyebrows raised. Elton looked at him and then the bottle and then him and then the bottle. And Colby, well, Colby had a look on his face that just said, “why the fuck not?”

“Fuck it, let’s do it” Sam laughed. The laughter of his friends, the heat of the fire and the smell of the New Zealand air was enough to wake him right up.


	3. look at the sky tonight, all of the stars have a reason

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i knowwwwwwww this took longer to upload than i thought it would, but here u go!!!! <3 
> 
> chapter title is lyrics from star shopping x lil peep !!!!!!!! i really don't know what to title them so i just title them with whatever song i'm listening to when i upload lmao 
> 
> i hope u enjoy xo

The night’s going well so far. They’ve been passing a bottle of Captain Morgan between the four of them and just talking and laughing. Maybe a little too loud for the other campers, but hey, they turned the music off at 11 like the rules said. Plus, they aren’t really paying much attention to anything but how good they feel right now. It’s probably around 12 or so by now, Sam’s not too sure since his phone died however long ago. He’s looking around at his friends, Elton telling a story about him and Corey one drunken night and Corey is interrupting him every few minutes, telling him he missed something or correcting him on something. Elton and Corey get into a mock argument every few minutes, Elton telling Corey “if you want to tell the story Corey, go right on ahead” to which Corey replies “No, you tell it I don’t remember much anyways” which leads Elton telling him to stop interrupting if he didn’t even remember what happened. Sam’s not paying much attention but every time Colby’s laugh echo’s through the trees, he thinks this might be his favorite night of the trip so far.

“Hey, you okay?” He felt a tug on his sleeve and turned to see Colby looking at him, eye’s hazy and a smile to match. He’s passing Sam the bottle which Sam happily accepts, taking another shot. He winces slightly as the alcohol goes down his throat, but it feels good and so does he, so he’s not complaining.

He passes the bottle back and smiles widely, “Yeah, I’m fine. Was just thinking.” 

“Anything you care to share?” Colby asks, he seems genuinely interested in what Sam’s thinking about. But how do you tell your best friend, I’ve been thinking maybe I have feelings for you and your laugh could be my favorite sound on the planet. 

“No, just got distracted for a minute, nothing important.” Sam doesn’t miss the look of intrigue on his face before he turns to pay more attention to the entire group. He’s too drunk to think about these kinds of things without spilling everything. He just wants to have a nice night, without thinking too much about things. 

But it seems that everyone else has a different idea. 

“I’m bored, we should play truths!” Corey all but yelled, taking the bottle from Elton and taking a gulp before twisting the lid back on and placing it between his feet. Elton and Colby seemed to be interested in the idea, which, fuck, wasn’t this what Sam was just trying to avoid? He wanted to stay out of his head, not spill pieces out of it. 

“Yo, Sam! You down to play?” Elton nodded his head towards him. Is he down to play? He’s not sure if he’s down, but does he have a choice? Not really. Everyone has already agreed, and he knows that if he declines then everyone will suspect something is off. Not that it is, he’s having a great time, honestly. He just doesn’t want it to be ruined by sending himself into an existential crisis. It will probably be light hearted and funny questions because, they’re drunk and all in a good mood, but just in case…

“Yeah, but if I’m going to play, I’m gonna need more alcohol.” He reaches his hand out and points to the bottle between Corey’s feet and Corey happily throws the bottle to him. Sam catches it (barely but whatever) and takes a shot. Well, more like a gulp. Okay, more like a few gulps. Liquid courage. It’s warm as it goes down and Sam swears he instantly feels more relaxed.

“Damn, brother! There you go.” Corey shouted, laughing a little bit too hard and knocking his chair over. It really wasn’t that funny, but Corey finds everything funny. Plus he’s drunk, so Elton stands and helps him up, laughing right along with him. 

“Be careful, you drink like that and you’ll tell us all your secrets.” Colby said lowly beside him, reaching over to grab the bottle out of his hand. Colby might have let his fingers linger over Sam’s for a moment too long, the way he’s looking at him makes him feel exposed. Like he’s already told everything. 

Sam moved his hand back, “I’m hoping to just forget altogether.” He sputtered, clearing his throat and trying to avoid eye contact. He felt Colby’s eyes tearing into the side of his head. He gets a shiver up his back; his body tremors a little bit and he rolls his shoulders back slightly to shake the feeling. 

“You cold, Sam?” Elton motioned towards him with a hand, “It’s warm out here, man! We’re in front of a fire!” He laughed.

“Yeah, brother, I-I’m gonna run inside for a minute and grab a jacket.” He stumbled over his words a little bit, head feeling a little dizzy and probably not from the alcohol. Well, maybe a little bit, but that wasn’t just it. He stood up and walked towards the trailer, the boys mocking him to hurry up. 

Once inside he realized two things. One, he felt much more buzzed once he stood up. Two, he was most definitely into Colby. In love? He’s not sure. But he knows that these feelings have been brewing for a while, he just knows. Does he know what to do about? Not at all. He wonders when he first started feeling things for his best friend. Yeah, he’s just realizing it but he’s not sure when it actually started. 

He lets his hands find his face for a quick moment before he grabs a hoodie off of the bench, throws it on and stares at himself in the window for a moment. Night outside, all he can see is himself. He realizes this is the first time he’s really looked at himself since he started having an internal fucking crisis 24 hours ago. 24 hours and everything’s changed. He knows that he can’t keep denying these feelings, knows that he’s being too transparent with everything. He can tell by the way Colby’s been looking at him, like he’s trying to figure something out. 

He stands there for another moment, he looks the same but he feels so much different. No more time for brooding, no more being distant and in his head. He’s going to enjoy himself, he’s going to spend time with his best friends, just let himself feel whatever he’s feeling. He can make it seem like nothing’s changed on the outside even though he knows it has. He refuses to let his emotions get in the way of the best relationship he has in his life. He’s going to just be, he’s going to enjoy his time with his friends. He’s going to have some fucking fun tonight. Tonight he’s carefree. 

“Sam! Get your ass out here!” Someone yelled, breaking him out of his thoughts. 

He took a deep breath, broke his focus away from the window. He turned and walked out of the trailer, somehow feeling lighter and heavier all at the same time.  
\---------------------------  
About an hour and however many shots later, they were drunk and learning way too much about each other. Like, no one needed to know how many times a day Corey masturbated or how many people Elton’s slept with. But Sam felt good, happy and very, very drunk. The rules were that the person who answered the question decides who asks the next question and to who they ask it to. Sam added in that there were 3 passes, which was more of a safety for him, just in case. It’s been good so far, simple questions, some more embarrassing than others.

“Okay uh, Elton your turn and you gotta ask Sam!” Colby mused, after being asked what the most embarrassing picture on his phone was and showing a picture that someone took on his phone of him sleeping. Still not sure who took it or why he kept it, he said. 

“Alright I’m going to try to make this one more interesting,” Elton hummed for a moment, thinking about which question to ask, “Okay, okay, Samuel, have you ever loved someone who didn’t feel the same way? Did you tell them?” He chucked a little bit. 

“Ooh! Juicy! Please, tell us Samuel, we’re all waiting.” Corey smiled at him, wide. 

Colby turned to face him, tiled his head a bit, “Yeah Sammy, tell us.” Sam searched his face for any sign of amusement or mock. Minus the tiny drunken smile on his face, he seemed curious, interested. Sam looked away, looking back at Elton, lowering his eyebrows at him, trying his hardest to seem annoyed at the question. He was, but he couldn’t really feel anything but the alcohol right now. Elton smiled bigger and Sam decided that he might hate him. Not really. But, he might. 

Sam coughed, thinking about what to say for a moment, he could lie or he could just tell the truth and say fuck it, “Uh yeah, I have,” Sam wondered just when he actually decided to say fuck it, but kept talking anyways, “And uh, no, no I haven’t told them.” He avoided eye contact from all of them, picking up the bottle and taking another shot, and then one more. 

“Wait-haven’t? So, this is like a current thing?” Corey questioned him. Shit. He didn’t mean to say haven’t, not even noticing the slip in words. 

He felt the back of his neck get hot, “W-what?! No! I didn’t say haven’t, I said didn’t!” He lied, and it was obvious, stuttering over his words. He made an annoyed face looking down at the bottle in his hand. Fucking alcohol. 

“No Sammy, I think you said haven’t.” Colby teased, a smirk on his face as he raised his eyebrows. The fire was glowing up the side of his face and Sam decided that he looked fucking beautiful, drunk hazy eyes, a goofy smirk on his face. He looked happy. Sam really, really wanted to kiss him. 

“Who is it? Give us a name!” Elton egged him on, motioning for Sam to hand him the bottle. Sam took another shot (which he thinks was probably a bad idea but if they’re going to be here all day tomorrow, at least he can stay in bed) and handed the bottle over. “Come on now, who is it?” 

“Uh, yeah, I’m going to have to pass on that one, sorry brother!” But he wondered what would happen if he just said it out loud. How would they react? How would Colby react? He looked over at his friend for a moment, he was staring into the fire, seemed lost in thought. Sam was usually really good at reading Colby, but since last night, he couldn’t figure out what the fuck he was thinking. He seemed off and maybe that was Sam’s fault. He can’t help but think that maybe his energy was rubbing off on Colby and he felt something was off, maybe that he felt upset that Sam wouldn’t talk to him, but he couldn’t. He knows he wants to tell Colby, but he also knew that he couldn’t. 

“That’s fucking lame, bro.” Corey groaned, picking up a few sticks and throwing them into the fire. As the sticks started to burn, he knew that he was going to fuck everything up. He just didn’t know how. “Why are we even using passes anyways? We should just tell each other everything.” He slurred. 

“I made up the rule so I could avoid this exact question.” Sam mumbled under his breath, didn’t they know how bad Sam wanted to tell them? How his mind couldn’t get off the subject for a minute all day? But this was new, and he was confused, and he needed time to think. Or maybe he didn’t want to think. And maybe the alcohol was making him confused. He figured the best way to avoid it was to change the subject all together. “Can we just like, move on to the next question? Corey you’re next and you ask Elton.”

Corey asked Elton a question, about his favorite memory was as a child. Elton started talking about a snow day he had as a child back in Connecticut. Sam tried to listen, he really did, but he caught Colby’s eye and he couldn’t look away. Colby was staring at him like he wanted to know everything, and Sam wanted to tell him everything. Sam smiled slightly, no matter how much his mind was torturing him, Colby could make him feel calm by a simple look. He thinks it’s weird that while he’s panicking over Colby, that Colby’s also the person who can shut that off. He’s not sure how that works, how someone can make you feel sane and crazy at the same time. Colby’s eyes scan his face, smile hanging from his lips and he meets his eyes once more and winks before he turns his attention back to his friends. And…What the fuck was that? If Sam wasn’t confused before, he sure as hell was now. His stomach and his mind flipped; he could actually feel his face go red. He decided to drop it, for now, as best he could. Deciding to just act like that didn’t just happen because he’s going to drive himself further insane trying to figure that out. 

They played the game for another 30 minutes or so, questions getting deeper, everyone getting more drunk with each shot they took. It was easy to get lost in conversation as Sam drank more. He knew he overdrank though, he can feel it, even sitting he knows that once he stands up he’s going to be fucked. He decided to cut himself off before he blacked out. 

Elton looked as drunk as Sam felt as he stood up, slightly stumbling before straightening himself up, “This-This is why I don’t drink.” He laughed, hiccupping. “I’m going the fuck to bed, I need water and food right now. I’ll see you guys in the morning, goodnight.” 

“Yeah we should probably get to sleep, we’re all going to feel like shit in the morning.” Corey stood up after him, yawning and rubbing his eyes. “I love you guys, man. Fuck, I have to turn the table into a bed.” He thought for a second, “Isn’t that weird? The table turns into a bed?” He laughed, slurring his words, Sam laughed right along with him. Corey was always one of the funniest people he knows, but he just finds everything Corey does while he’s drunk ten times funnier. Corey grabbed his phone off the ground, holding onto the chair for support. “You guys going to bed?” 

Before Sam could answer, Colby spoke up, “Yeah, we’ll be in in a minute, just gonna enjoy the night for another couple minutes.” Corey nodded, smiled at them both and went inside to probably eat a sandwich and pass out in his bed. So now Sam and Colby were alone. Sam never felt at a loss for words around Colby, but right now he wasn’t sure what to say. 

They fell into a comfortable silence. No words were being said and Sam was grateful for that. In this moment, he felt peaceful. He closed his eyes and laid his head back on the chair. He smiled slightly thinking about how nice it felt outside, about how good he felt. Minus the few internal crisis’, it was a good night. He thought that he could fall asleep in this chair, but then he realized that sober Sam in the morning would definitely not appreciate that. 

Colby cleared his throat beside him and spoke, “So, uh- I- Who were you talking about earlier? When they asked the question about being in love? You’ve uh, never mentioned that before?” His voice sounded nervous as he asked the question. 

Sam turned his head, still rested back onto the chair and opened his eyes to his friend. He thought for a minute, unsure what to say. He hates lying but he would hate to lose his friend even more. “It’s not really important, not something I’ve really told anyone.” 

Colby looked at him for a moment, “Do I know them?” 

Sam laughed at that, actually laughed, “Yeah, you know them.” He felt good. Felt like maybe he wasn’t as focused on the situation as he should have been, like he was an hour ago before he drank his panic away. 

Colby’s expression turned serious and that made Sam laugh more, he furrowed his eyebrows, “You know you can tell me anything, right? Like, anything. You know that, don’t you?” 

Sam turned away then, smile fading, he felt like an asshole. He didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t know how to handle this; his emotions and thoughts have been all over the place all day. “I know, Colby. It’s just not something I can really talk about right now.” He turned his head back, smiling sympathetically. Asking him to drop the subject with his eyes. This is not what he needed right now. 

Colby nodded and they fell back into another round of silence. Sam felt the tension growing. He could feel unsaid words wrapping around him. He opened his eyes and turned his head back to Colby, who was already looking at him. He realized that this happens a lot more than he thought it should. He smiled at the thought, scanning Colby’s face. He was beautiful- he was so damn beautiful. Colby turned back away, opened his mouth to say something before closing it again. Sam wishes he could jump inside Colby’s head, wants to take a tour of his brain. Colby gets quiet a lot, goes into his own little world often enough. He wishes he could hear Colby’s thoughts when he gets that way. 

Colby tilted his head slightly, looking into the fire that was starting to dim. He opened his mouth again, hesitating before speaking, low and quiet, “Is it me?” 

It was so quiet that Sam almost missed it, he felt his heart instantly speed up, “What?” 

Colby laughed silently, he shook his head a tiny bit, “Uh- nevermind, I think I’m just drunk- I’m imagining stuff. Not really sure what I’m saying.” He stood up, wobbling a little bit, “Yeah, I’m definitely drunk. I’m probably going to head to bed now.” He turned without another word, scratching his head before he walked inside. 

Sam wanted to call after him but couldn’t find the words. Like everything he wanted to say got stuck in his throat before he could get it out. What the fuck just happened? That was the last thing Sam expected Colby to say. He wasn’t sure what to make of what just happened. Was Colby feeling the same things he was? Or was he just asking because Sam was being so distant? He felt something change but he didn’t know if it was only on his side. He sat there for another 10 minutes, thinking about what to do. His mind kept going back between just ignoring the whole situation and just telling him the truth. 

Before he knew it, he was standing up. He felt much drunker standing, and even more drunk walking into the motor-home. Colby was laying there, eyes closed. His mind was dizzy as he climbed up into his and Colby’s bunk. He crawled to his side and laid down on his back, he pulled the blanket over him and stared at the ceiling, his body was still and he tried to swallow down the words stuck in his throat to make room for new ones to come up, to come out, to say anything. 

“You felt it finally?” Colby whispered next to him, Sam turned and stared at the back of his head. 

Fuck. Here it was, he breathed out slightly, “Felt what?” He questioned, almost silent. 

Colby turned his body, now facing towards him. Sam thought he felt time stop. Felt everything else but the two of them disappear. Colby thought for a minute, before he spoke slowly ,“The shift.” 

Sam’s body felt like a million pounds had been lifted off of him, “Yeah, I felt it.” 

They stared at each other. Sam explored the feeling, the feeling of acknowledgment, the feeling of want, the feeling of need. Colby hesitated before he sat up slightly, reaching his hand out to gently place the back of his fingers to Sam’s cheek, softly moving them across his jawline. Sam closed his eyes, feeling the warmth of Colby’s hand move from his jawbone to his chin, before he brushed his thumb over Sam’s lips. Sam opened his eyes, staring into Colby’s. 

He felt the words in his throat organize, he took a deep breath, “Yeah, it’s you.” 

And like that, Colby bent down and placed his lips on Sam’s. The kiss was soft and quick before Colby pulled away, looking at him unsure, like he didn’t know if it was okay. Sam smiled and nodded, sliding his hand up to the back of Colby’s neck and pulling him back down into another kiss. This one was deeper, full of emotion and agreement. They needed each other, it wasn’t just Sam who felt this way. He smiled into the kiss, kissed him again. Again. Again.

Once they pulled apart, Colby’s lips still parted, his eyes still closed, he laid back down facing Sam. He smiled, running his fingers through Sam’s hair, “Goodnight, Sammy.” His voice was full of fond. 

Sam smiled, turned to his side and reached out to brush his fingers against Colby’s face, “Goodnight.” He whispered. 

He felt full of heart and love and excitement. He had questions, he had a lot of questions, but he left them for another time. He fell asleep to the sound of Colby breathing and he doesn’t think he’s ever heard anything sound quite as beautiful


End file.
